Hey I just figured it out...you know...why everyone on the road drives as if they are crazy?? They never took a physics
course!!!
You see, the number one law in physics that would greatly aid the uncontrollable So. Cal driver is: TWO objects CANNOT
occupy the same space at the same time. Yet the popular belief lingers in our minds that if you drive aggressively enough,
if you drive a BIG enough truck/car/SUV, if your tires elevate you to nosebleed heights, then it’s ok to sort of like
PUSH the other cars out of your way. And you know that’s not right.... (well, ok if you really need to get to the off
ramp one millisecond before me, I understand.)
The thing is...the SUV’s (short for other people car’s that are Stuck Under your Vehicle) are getting bigger
and bigger. They are now the size of rhino’s (whose drivers have the same mind set and mental capacity of same.) Their
idea of fun is a kami-kazi approach to a tri-level interchange, while munching a taco, speaking on their cell phone and simultaneously
accelerating past your demure 70 mph rate of speed while making rude gestures at you with the taco!
If there were only a few on the road, that would be fine, but the things apparently multiply while left alone in the huge
parking structures made specifically for their double-wide, double-long, double cabs with monster (unsafe) tires.
Every day there are another 12 million insanely angry SUV drivers with MORE RIGHT TO THE ROAD THAN YOU HAVE. They can prove
it; they take up a lane and a half (their’s and some of yours), twice as much parking space and thrice as much gas as
other cars on the road. And, they are all driven by one single person who has never used it for sports or utilities (what
the heck is a utility vehicle anyways?)
Did you hear about the newest model of SUV, the EXPANSION-ero? The biggest, baddest SUV yet, it actually increases
in size as it approaches your tiny fiberglass bumper! But not to worry, their days are surely numbered, with gas skyrocketing
out of sight and more reports of their dangers, I’ve already seen plenty of brand new SUV’s with “For Sale”
signs on them.
I just wonder what the next car craze will be? (Let’s hope it’s smaller than a tow truck.)
